..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
