Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
