I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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