Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
