we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
