I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
