VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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