Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
