I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
