there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
