I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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