i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
