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it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This is classic penis vs brain.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
