The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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