are you still at the devil's house?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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