She is in my trunk
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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