Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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