I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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