I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
