woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
