So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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