i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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