I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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