My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
