we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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