I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
