I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
