things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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