you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
