One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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