textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
