end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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