Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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