THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
