sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
