they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
