I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
