We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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