i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
