i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
