I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
