I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
