Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
