I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
