Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
