Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we're making bets on your personal life
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
