I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
