So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
