i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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