dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
