Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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