I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
