I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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